Robots. Dinosaurs would be scary as fuck in real life. Is there robot dinosaurs? That would fuck my life up.
This week I will be opening for Headliner Chelsea Peretti (Parks and Recreation, Louie, Kroll Show) with feature Randy Liedtke at the San Francisco Punchline. You can buy your tickets punchlinecomedyclub.com! I’ll be performing with them Wednesday through Saturday, and I’ll be hosting the Sunday Showcase to wrap up the week.
It’s been almost two weeks since Fall Out Boy announced they would be getting back together and for whatever the fuck reason, we are still hearing about it. But in the grand scheme of music news, this should’ve been filed at the very top of the who-gives-a-fuck pile. Here’s why.
1. Three Years Isn’t A Hiatus
Fall Out Boy announced they were going on hiatus in November 2009. That’s barely over three years ago. Three years isn’t a hiatus. There are currently active bands better than Fall Out Boy who haven’t put out material in longer than that. Dillinger Four hasn’t released new material since 2008. Or how about this: My Bloody Valentine put out an album this year which was their first in 22 years. Can you comprehend how long 22 years is, Fall Out Boy fans? It’s longer than Fall Out Boy’s manager wants you to believe Pete Wentz has been alive. Pete is actually 33 fucking years old and still tweets shit like this:
when girls aren’t listening to you they say things like “aw” when you’re done talking. guys just look at their phones. we need our “aw” word— Pete Wentz(@petewentz) July 6, 2012
I’m disappointed in the Niners loss. People may think that non holding call was bull shit, but what was really bull shit was the Niners pass defense. Just like last year against the Giants, the Niners got shredded by an outstanding passer. Flacco picked the Niners apart, much like Eli did last year. The Niners fought hard, but didn’t play better. The game is 4 quarters long, one non call didn’t lose them the game.
The Niners have a very highly regarded defense, but it’s not very well deserved. Sure they’ve got great individual players, and are hellacious against the run, but their secondary got exposed last year and got exposed again this year. They were elite, but the league has caught up to them. People seem to overlook the Niners ranked 23rd in the league on pass defense this season. Really not that great. I’m not a huge numbers guy when it comes to forecasting games, but I am a numbers guy when it comes to games played because those are what actually happened on the field as opposed to what could happen. The Niners pass defense even got beaten up in wins. Just look:
Drew Brees 2011 Divisional in SF: 40/63 462 yards 4 TD’s 2 INT’s
Eli Manning 2011 NFC Championship in SF: 32/58 316 yards 2 TD’s 0 INT
Aaron Rodgers 2012 Divisional in SF: 26/39 257 yards 2 TD’s 1 INT
Matt Ryan 2012 NFC Championship in ATL: 30/42 396 yards 3 TD’s 1 INT
Joe Flacco 2012 Super Bowl in NO: 22/33 287 yards 3 TD’s 0 INT
The Niners surrendered more than 250 yards each of these games. The Niners pass defense definitely is not getting enough blame for this loss. Each win was an offense fueled comeback resulting from the defense not getting it done. The hype of Carlos Rogers’ resurgence, and those “ball hawking” safeties really never showed up. Chris Culliver drew a lot of attention to himself leading up to the Super Bowl and he got humiliated on the biggest stage. Probably deserved it too. Terrell Brown played lights out and even forced the only Niners turnover of the game. The Niners need to address this secondary and ask themselves “Are these guys really that good?”. No. They are not.
The Niners did fight hard and I’m very proud to be Niners fan yesterday, today, and every day. If you are one, you should be too. If you’re kind of one, or became one over the course of the playoffs, you can go fuck yourself. Niners, bitch.
Sketchfest is starting up this week and I’m very excited to once again, be a part of it.
You can catch me at:
The Romane Event with Paco Romane
Wednesday, January 30th, 8pm, The Make Out Room
Be Kind Rewind
Friday, February 8th, 10pm, Cinecave at Lost Weekend Video
Dems da deets!
I just came in my pants.
Tonight and tomorrow at 8 o’clock I’ll be performing at the San Francisco Punchline with Neal Brennen (Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show) and feature Sammy Obeid (America’s Got Talent, all around good dude). The tickets are $15 bucks with a two item minimum. The shows are gonna be a lot of fun and I hope you can make it out!
Oct 12 at 9pm (Doors 8:30)
SubMission Gallery: Mission and 18th St.
Oct 13 at 5 (Doors 4:30)
SubMission Gallery: Mission and 18th St.
Follow the link to get passes to the fest. It’s gonna be super carne asada fun.
Last night, I reached a huge milestone in my young comedy career. Most comics don’t make such a big deal about it, but it is a very big deal to me. I hope that I’m not inciting jealousy in anyone who hasn’t gotten their opportunity to audition for work at the Punch, but that opportunity will come in due time. This is not a boastful posting, and I’m not bragging about my accomplishment. I am writing this out of humility and gratitude. I wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone, because I am too lazy to thank everyone individually. Yesterday afternoon, as I was dry heaving over my toilet, welling up with tears, and being a nervous wreck, the constant vibration of my phone, the fb chat sound, the notification module lighting up, the tweets, the phone calls, and the texts got me through my day. I truly felt everyone’s support. You are the ones who I do comedy for. I can not state enough how loved and supported I felt yesterday. Getting an audition is a very long and time consuming process, but with some patience, it finally came. I want to thank every comic who has encouraged me throughout the years, or put their reputation on the line to get me booked, all the bookers who took a chance on me, every friend who spent their hard earned money or put in the effort to come out to my shows, every friend who I’ve found through doing comedy, my family for not ruling me out as a complete psychopath when I decided to pursue stand-up and everyone else in between. I love you all very much and I thank you.
Guest set: Sean Sinha.
Hosted by Mike Spiegelman.
Oak-town. What it do?
Altogether, there are 40 comedians for Just For Laughs Montreal’s 2012 class of the New Faces of Comedy. Divided up into New Faces, New Faces: Characters, and New Faces: Unrepped, we watched all three groups put their best comedic foot forward. For your ease, we’ll give you a quick rundown of highlights of the funniest stuff we saw of what very well might be, as the festival suggests, the future of comedy.
Hey everyone. I just wanted to let you know that the Haight Speech show at the Peacock Lounge in SF tomorrow is cancelled. So don’t come. Sorry!
Sean O’Connor (Conan!), Chris Thayer (FIVE hundred WEEKS!), and Geoff Tate (Comedy Central!) came by the Comedy Attic in Indiana to crank out an absolutely incredible live YMIW!! Get in there. Enjoy! REPEAT!! Thank you to all the weirdos who came out — it was a blast!!!
Check it out here.
After a pretty mellow May and a brief break from performing, I have been lining up shows in June. There’s some good ones in there, so if you live in or near any of the venues and want to check out a show, please come out.
Friday, June 1st: Bunjo’s Killer Laughs VI Semi-Finals
What? This is the Semi-final round for a competition I’m in. I will be competing for a chance to move on to the finals later in June.
When? 7:30. Where? Bunjo’s Comedy Lounge in Dublin, CA. Price? I’m not sure. Probably like 8-10 bucks.
Wednesday, June 6th: Comedy Royale!
What? I’ll be featuring in a great line up of comedians including Headliner and dear friend Trevor Hill. This show is also being hosted and produced my another dear friend and former Happy Hour Comedy at Madrone co-producer Nick Palm.
When? 8 o’clock. Where? Cafe Royale on Sutter and Leavenworth in SF! Price? Free!
Saturday, June 9th: Comedy Night at Downtown Comedy Theater (Our Little Theater)
What? These are casual shows, but they’re usually very fun and loose environments. I will most likely be working on some new stuff and trying to tighten up some older stuff. There’s a possibility of going completely off script as well. A lot of local pros come through to do the same at these shows and it’s always a good time.
When? 8 and 10 o’clock. Where? Our Little Theater on Ellis and Taylor in SF. Price? 10 bucks or 8 bucks pre-order. It’s also BYOB!
Tuesday, June 12th: Uptown Almanac Pop Up Comedy Night
What? Uptown Almanac is putting on a wonderful line up of comedians in a “pop up” style comedy show. This show features some of the most talented up and coming San Francisco comedians and it has all you can drink PBR with price of admission.
When? 8 o’clock. Where? The Roxie Theater on 16th and Valencia in SF. Price? 8 dollars plus all you can drink PBR! Isn’t Uptown Almanac that cool SF culture blog? Yes. It is.
Thursday, June 14th: Haight Speech!
What? Haight residents doing stand up comedy in the Haight.
When? 8 o’clock. Where? The Peacock Lounge on Haight and Steiner in SF. Price? 5 bucks.
Here’s a link to purchase tickets. http://haightspeechcomedy.eventbrite.com/
Wednesday, June 20th: Beat the Heat Comedy Competition
What? This is the premlim round of another comedy competition I will be participating in. If you live in the South Bay I would love to see you.
When? 8 o’clock. Where? The Bold Knight in San Jose, CA. Price? 10 bucks at the door. 5 bucks online. Here’s a link for online purchases.
Wednesday, June 27th: New Talent Night
What? This is basically an open mic for all new comers and vets alike in one of the South Bay’s finest comedy clubs.
When? 8 o’clock. Where? Rooster T. Feathers Sunnyvale, CA. Price? 5 bucks…I think.
That’s it for now, but keep checking in because I will be adding shows more shows in June.